Sometimes we speak ideas into existence and don’t even realize it.
Five years ago I quit my job and started working for myself. Transitioning to an entrepreneurial life meant making several adjustments, one of which involved taking on an increased role in caring for our children. During my first summer working for myself, we agreed to limit how much we spent on summer camp as I was working from home and could have the kids with me most days.
I was blessed to have a business partner at the time who valued having a formal office space, so we rented a small house in Chicago’s Beverly neighborhood. It was a great location. One block away from a beautiful park. We had a small backyard where I could grill and set up a sprinkler for the kids and enough space inside to give the kids a place to play. Not a bad setup for a Dad working from home for the first time with two children ages 8 and 5. Together my kids and I had an incredible summer that altered my perspective on parenting.
Almost every day for a few months, my kids and I lived on a unified routine. We’d wake up, have a quick breakfast at home, and then head to the office. I created playlists of my daughter’s favorite songs, and we’d listen to them on our 30-minute commute. (She still remembers many of these songs, and I often catch both of them singing them together.) Once we got to the office around 10:00 am the kids knew the two basic rules that held our whole operation together.
Rule #1 – You can drink two cans of fizzy water or San Pelligrino each day. You don’t have to ask. You can have them whenever you want, but once you’ve had two you’re done.
We kept the fridge stocked with drinks for clients who would stop by for meetings or attend our marketing workshops. Of course, kids wanted something out of the fridge constantly. The rule was simple: You didn’t have to ask for it. They were in charge of their daily rations. You could drink both before noon, space it out throughout the day, save for lunch. I didn’t want to be interrupted with juice requests all day.
Rule #2 – No screen time until after 3:00. Before 3:00 you can play outside in the back yard, there’s Lego’s in your room, and you have full access to office supplies to make art.
The rule was simple, don’t even ask. There were toys in the house, a backyard to play in, and a park down the street. Have fun, be kids, and we’ll do screen time after 3:00. Rule #2 was also strategic because my energy often waned around 3:00. I could handle the multi-tasking of monitoring them and working during the morning and early afternoon, but around 3:00, I needed quiet to focus. So the last few hours of the workday they could watch.
These two simple rules helped me manage most of what would throw off my day-to-day work. Plus, I think it helped them because they knew what to expect. We didn’t do a lot of negotiating, and the rules provided space for their autonomy and agency. They could do whatever they liked within those boundaries. We eventually incorporated Khan Academy and ABC Mouse into the mix so that there was a little e-learning during the summer too, but the basic schedule for the day was the same, and it worked.
My business partner witnessed me “dadding it up” for the whole summer, and by the end, he asked about my thoughts on homeschooling. I’d never considered it before. He and his wife were homeschoolers and passionate advocates for their way of life. He asked me to consider two basic questions:
- Are my children likely to have a teacher as educated as my wife and me?
- Are my children likely to have a teacher who loves them more than we do?
At the time, most of my kids’ teachers were recent college graduates or only had a few years of teaching experience. Few if any teachers in their school held advanced degrees. Meanwhile, my wife and I held masters degrees – so the answer to number 1 was no. As for question number 2, of course not. I always loved my children, but that summer, I developed a personal relationship with them that extended beyond my general obligations as a parent. We went on walks; we talked, we played games together, we created rituals and traditions, I cooked for them and discovered what they liked that I could make. I didn’t just love my kids; I was in love with them as people. So I sat with Chris’ questions for a few weeks.
I loved being with my kids every day. They didn’t disrupt my day or create challenges to my productivity. Plus, we were saving money and would save more if they stayed home during the school year. Lastly, Chris and Aziza, and their community of homeschoolers, would be a tremendous support and provide social outlets for the kids with other kids. I was considering it; could this work?
I left the summer uncertain, and eventually, fear set in followed by internal doubt. What if I make a mistake? What if they get off track? What if I lack followthrough,and they just end up hanging out every day? What if business takes off and I don’t have time for their education? Questions abound, and none of them with good answers – I knew I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even broach the subject with my wife. When they returned to school that Fall, I experienced a tremendous sense of relief, but I also experienced immense heartache to match. I missed them.
Fast forward five years to the present, and this is the scene I witnessed while cooking breakfast.
Once again, Covid-19 has disrupted their educational schedule and we started the new year off back to e-learning. While we have endured countless challenges due to the pandemic, homeschooling them wasn’t one of them. I’m grateful that Covid gave me the homeschooling experience I was too afraid to give myself, and it wasn’t half bad.
Over the last two years, my kids have worked from home with me more than 75% of the time, and they thrived in some aspects and struggled with others. First off, sleeping in was great for everybody involved. Second, having a less structured school day worked for them – no more asking permission to go to the bathroom or eat a snack. They could finish their work at their own pace and then move on to other activities they wanted to do. We also created new family rituals to take advantage of our unique setting. We had 30 minutes of quiet family reading time during the school day, where everyone got in my bed with their book of choice. We also agreed to spend quality time together each evening watching something, working on puzzles, or playing games. These were all major highlights. However, there were some challenges. Certain subjects like Science just weren’t as engaging via e-learning. My daughter missed doing the experiments and physically participating in the labs. Both direly missed their friends and seeing people in person.
While this time was forced upon us, I truly treasured it. We were together as a family and our bonds are stronger because of this time – oh the memories they will have of the two years and counting they spent at home with their parents. My fear didn’t matter five years ago because my heart knew what I wanted to experience. Although I lacked the will to make it happen, the universe has a way of meeting the intentions of our hearts, so be careful about what you set your heart on – you just might get it whether you are ready or not.
